Divorce Counseling

Are You And Your Spouse Considering Divorce?

Have you and your husband or wife been throwing around the threat of divorce for a while, yet you’re not really sure if you want to go through with it? Would you like to have respectful conversations regardless of the issues that have led you to this point? Do you have children or teens who will be impacted by your potential divorce?

Perhaps you will be sharing custody and wonder what your soon-to-be-ex will be saying about you. Or maybe you are more concerned about the effects of divorce on your children and want to ensure their well-being. At this point, you’re likely wondering if there is anyone who can understand and offer help.

Ending a marriage can be a traumatic experience that impacts nearly everyone in the family. In a very real way, divorce represents the “death” of a marriage, which is why many individuals go through stages of grief. That may include shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and eventually acceptance and hopefulness. The order in which those emotions are experienced is not always linear; sometimes you may go back and revisit the painful feelings again. This puts you in a state of emotional overdrive in which negotiating changes, making financial decisions, and merely navigating life can be overwhelming. And though friends are there to help you through, you want a place where you can be heard and not judged.

If you believe these concepts are important to you and your family, pre-divorce counseling should begin sooner than later. The tools you will learn will benefit your children, yourself, and your ex.

Divorce Is More Common Than You Might Think

It’s estimated that 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the US will end in divorce. And divorce rates for second and third marriages tend to be much higher than for first marriages. So if you are in the process of divorcing or have already finalized one, you are far from alone. Many people commonly ask themselves the same questions: What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I enough? Why couldn’t I save our marriage? Why didn’t he/she care more? Why didn’t he/she try harder?

The fact is, people get divorced for a wide range of reasons, many of which are largely beyond one partner’s control. For instance, we live in a world with disposable tendencies, where we feel compelled to upgrade, to focus on something new instead of putting work into what we already have. Social media and entertainment create high and often unrealistic expectations for marriage that couples simply can’t live up to. Unfortunately, the individualistic nature of our society makes us focus on our personal desires rather than the needs of the relationship. And infidelity can drive a stake into the heart of any marriage.

Culturally, we like to think of ourselves as rugged and capable of handling our problems alone. In a marriage, we put ourselves out there and risk everything, so it naturally makes us vulnerable to great loss when it does not last. When someone leaves or the marriage falls apart, it can be completely destabilizing. For some of us, the common tendency is to bear our pain alone, however much of divorce is about grief and loss—and that pain needs to be shared.

Family and friends can be helpful allies, but working with a divorce counselor can give you objective clarity that will allow you to find peace within yourself and support for moving forward. With my help, you can heal your wounds, educate your children, and find hope in the future as your own person.

What Exactly Is Divorce Counseling And What Are Its Benefits?

I provide both pre-divorce and post-divorce counseling services. That means, whether you are an individual recovering from divorce or a couple who is on the brink, I can help. Not to be confused with marriage counseling, pre-divorce counseling has a specific goal: decide if you want to remain in the marriage or divorce. Often, one spouse desires to remain in the marriage while the other considers divorce as the answer.

Working with a divorce counselor will help you make clear and sure decisions. It offers you the opportunity to fully understand what has happened in your marriage with the advantage of non-biased feedback. I will also be able to help with co-parenting issues from a neutral point of view. My goal is to remove the internal pressure to “make the marriage work” and enable you to openly and genuinely explore the best choice for everyone concerned.

To that end, I’ll first meet with both of you together, then, once individually before resuming sessions as a couple. And if you are already in the recovery phase, we can dedicate our individual sessions to helping you repair your sense of wholeness and empowering you to navigate life with newfound confidence.

Part of divorce recovery is simply having someone you can connect with and trust to walk with you through your grief and loss. Therefore, we’ll start our journey together by working to balance the spectrum of emotions you are experiencing. This means, rather than burying your pain to protect yourself or lashing out at others (soon-to-be-ex or the store clerk) you can learn how to gain insight from what your feelings are trying to tell you.

Once we soothe the emotional rawness of your experience, we can gently explore the dynamics of your marriage and what went wrong so you can avoid similar obstacles in future relationships. Then, we can talk about what your goals are for the future and collaborate on taking practical steps to achieve success. Ultimately, my goals are to help you separate yourself from the relationship, heal your loss, repair your sense of wholeness, and tap into your inner strength to move forward. 

I offer a flexible, person-centered approach that enables me to meet each client or couple with respect, empathy, and unconditional positive regard. Understanding the need for real solutions, I’ll encourage you to always leave sessions with a tangible thought, conversation, or tool that will help you manage your emotions and mobilize yourself internally.

Together, we can work on resolving trust issues, overcoming the trauma of infidelity, or gaining a clear perspective on opportunities for moving forward. We can also tackle any negative thoughts or feelings about yourself that may have evolved from the divorce process and reframe them into a realistic and empowering context. And if you have younger children or teens, I’ll teach you how to talk to your kids about divorce so they understand what is going on and still feel safe and loved by each parent.

Going through a divorce can be a crushing and lonely experience, but counseling is the first step to recovery. Working with a divorce counselor gives you a chance to start over—to find the new you and become the best version of yourself possible. With my help, you can move past your current pain, learn to love yourself, and re-engage the world with confidence.

Perhaps you are considering divorce counseling but still have some concerns…

I don’t think therapy will help with what I am going through.

Many people assume that therapy only helps individuals with diagnosable conditions, like anxiety or depression. But divorce can create a cascade of emotions and issues that can be just as problematic and harmful. Stress, grief and sorrow, betrayal trauma, trust issues—all are possible aspects or effects of divorce that therapy can address. Regardless of what you are experiencing or how much you hurt, counseling can help you find your way through the pain and on to a new tomorrow.

I’m a little worried about the financial cost.

The loss and uncertainty caused by a divorce can impact the way we see ourselves and our potential for happiness and connection with others. Making the investment in divorce recovery now is the best way to protect your children, empower your future, and ensure your overall well-being in the long run. And because you will have developed the self-awareness and skills to navigate challenges on your own terms, therapy is a limited investment that can pay off indefinitely. 

There’s so much going on, I don’t think I have the time for divorce counseling.

That’s a completely understandable concern, but it doesn’t have to keep you from caring for yourself or your marriage. My online counseling services are convenient, effective, and flexible. Talking to a counselor online eliminates the need to find a sitter, take off from work, or fight traffic, saving you time and reducing frustration. Whether in bed, on the back porch, or even parked in your car, online therapy sessions allow us to meet wherever you are, saving you time and work energy in the process.

Life After A Divorce Is Not Only Possible, It May Be A Blessing

While going through a divorce is not an ideal event, you can make the most of this pain by looking at your relationship with yourself and others and deciding about the things you would like to improve. If you are ready to step out of the shadow of your marriage and start determining your future, I can show you the way. Please call 512-940-3565 for your free, 15-minute consultation to see how divorce counseling may be able to help you find a new perspective in life.       

Out of concern for the potential impact of COVID-19 on everyone’s safety and health, therapy sessions are now being conducted online.